I think I'm nearly ready
For 7 whole months, the full weight of fatherhood barely registered with me.
Sure, I went through the rollercoaster ride of emotions with my wife. I'll happily admit to getting excited and openly weeping at the doctors office, after hearing my babies heartbeat for the first time.
But until about a month ago, I'd just been focused on nailing my new job at Austereo and figured the Dad stuff would kick in after the baby arrived.
Then we got tickets to a movie about Pearl Jam and my whole world collapsed.
There was something about hearing Eddie Vedder talk about the 90's and how it felt to still be making music after 20 years of doing what he loved that seemed to push me over this imaginary cliff... I didn't talk to my wife for about 3 days afterwards. All I could manage was a text message saying "I'm sorry if this is a bit scary for you, I don't know how long it's going to last but I just need some space right now".
She said it's the only time she's ever considered, if only for a moment, that I might just run away.
But as I expected it would, the feeling passed and I genuinely started to look forward to the baby arriving for the first time. Choosing names seemed more important, instead of just enjoyably theoretical a few months earlier. Deciding which colour rug and what style chair for Claire to nurse in took on a new level of meaning, as it should.
Most importantly, in the past week my wife has finally finished work which makes me really happy. She has slowed down significantly over a week or two, and is suddenly struggling to lift herself and do fairly simple tasks due to the muscles required.
At last, I feel important.
I feel like she's finally doing what a soon-to-be mum should be doing (nesting... and resting) while I do what I'm sure any soon-to-be father naturally feels is an appropriate amount of back rubbing, car door opening and impatient eye rolling as I wait to use the toilet yet again.
I think I'm nearly ready.
(Just give me a few more days to come up with a game changing campaign to make sure people at work won't forget who I am)